Today is the first gorgeous day we’ve had all year, aside from that fluke day where it got up to 82 (don’t worry, three days later we had a foot of snow on the ground - welcome to the Mid-west!). So, after I finished work, I resolved to try my hand at running/jogging outdoors. I haven’t run in years. Since I was a wee lass, and that was sprinting, not distance.
Got home re-downloaded the MapMyRun app for my phone, solved the “Where do I put my phone? What about my keys? At least the Ipod clips to my shirt!” issue since I have no pockets, and started out. Gorgeous evening, sun shining brightly, snow has melted enough for the puddles to be navigable.
I made it a damn block and a half before I had to stop and walk. *sigh* Very enlightening.
When I made it home, legs cramping like a mofo, I turned up the ramp to go into the building, and saw a man sprint across the main, five lane street, in five strides like a gazelle. *laugh* I’m envious, and motivated, and have a LOT of room for improvement.
I didn’t want my 200 to be a reblog about core and leg exercises, and given that it’s the new year, and I’ve been at this for a FULL year (despite the breaks), I thought I would do a recap of my progress, not only for me, but for you!
When I began, I was 370 lbs. I felt… horrible. Fat, ugly, undesirable, unlovable, unmotivated, irrelevant. I got winded just trying to walk from the car to the front door of my apartment building, and all I wanted to do was sleep all of the time. I laughed at that, because I really do love to sleep, but this was not the healthy kind of “Oh, I have some extra time today, I’m going to curl up and nap!” sleep. This was the “I don’t like myself, or the people around me, and I need to get away from everything” sleep.
I honestly don’t remember what made me want to change. I’d TALKED about changing, and exercising, and eating right for years! I’d even done it a few times. A month here, a few weeks there… and then I’d slide back into the blackness that was eating 3/4 of a pizza, and a 12 piece BBQ wings, and then having ice cream after that. My stomach must have been HUGE to be able to put away the sort of food that I did. *sigh*
But I started working out in December of 2011. I started slow at first, only once or twice a week, because I thought “Going at all is better than not going at all”! And then I started looking at Tumblr, and my gym has this neat page where you can see how often you sign in at the front desk. And I was ashamed that I was doing so little, and my stats were so low! There were these charts and graphs and… I was not measuring up to what I wanted. So I started going more often, and reading more about what my body needed, and gaining insight into why I want the things that I want, instead of just feeding mindlessly like a zombie for brains.
It’s my belief that once you learn something, it will ALWAYS be there. Once I learned the proper way to eat, how much sodium you should stay under, the calories in an apple, or how much protein is in my Luna bar… you never just look at food and say, “That sounds good” again. Ignorance is no longer an excuse, and you’re BETTER for it. You start thinking about the ingredients in that lasagna, instead of just YUM.
This year I’ve done things I never thought possible!
- Riding a bike
- An hour on the elliptical, when the first time I couldn’t even do three minutes!
- Grabbing my ankle and stretching my foot up to my bottom
- Walking into a store and buying a pair of boots that go higher than my ankle
- Fitting into a booth at my favorite restaurant without being crammed.
- Roller skating
- Feeling better about myself, not just sexier, but prettier, more graceful, and healthier
This isn’t going to be a how-to post, because everyone has their own way and their own motivation. My only advice is to find that healthy motivation and change your life. It’s YOUR life, and nothing will change unless you take the initiative and do it.
I’m back from my self-imposed break. At first I was stressing about how I was losing my drive, and that I wasn’t eating as healthy, but then… I just took a break. I made better choices even when I ate “badly”, and always had nutrition in the back of my mind. I enjoyed food that other people made for me, and enjoyed the food that I made for other people, had quite a bit of company, did some traveling, and here we are at the beginning of a new year!
Since I’ve been inactive on here, I have recently picked up rollerskating! I am TERRIBLE at it. Two weeks ago I actually hadn’t eaten anything, hadn’t drank anything, and then went skating. *makes buzzer sound* Listen, folks, whatever you do, don’t exert yourself like that, ever. ESPECIALLY don’t do that and then put wheels on your feet. I was fatigued, and thirsty, and… well, I hit the floor. To be precise, my butt and head hit the floor, hard enough that I got a mild concussion, had a constant, unrelenting headache for six days, and a bruise the size of a hand on my ass. *shakes head* But I keep on getting out there! I bought my own skates, and wrist guards. I have knee pads, but they don’t fit yet, so I’ll have to wait a bit longer and work harder for those, or add a bit of velcro to close it in the back.
Since I have so many options for getting fit (YEAR TWO!), I’ve made up a calendar with which days I do which things, so that I don’t lose track. I plan on being busy with some sort of activity, either gym or skating, six days a week. I’m excited to be back to my routine, and hoping for a wonderful, productive 2013!
Let me tell you.
I have so many supportive friends. Most of my posts here also are submitted to my Facebook page, and there are some people who have been there for me through ups and downs.
Tonight, a friend posted on my “Little Things” post from earlier:
I just got home from the gym. First time I’ve gone in months, following surgery, health issues, stress, emotional issues, medication. I’m tired of waiting for my body to cooperate with me.
About 15 minutes into my elliptical run, my knee was like “Oh, fuck you, I’m not doing this.”
No. Fuck you knee. We’re doing this, goddammit. I pushed through and it worked itself out, I guess. 45 minutes and I ended early because I had to come home and cook for sick Fred.
You’re an inspiration Mary, you keep us all going. Thank you for doing this, not just for you, but for all of us, for the inspiration, the role model, the motivation. I wanna be as happy as Mary is.
I never set out to be an inspiration. I barely had enough faith in myself to trust that I’d make it a month before I quit… again. I’d go for a couple of weeks, lose a pound or two, and be right back at being a lazy bum. I still feel like I’m not doing enough and will never be doing enough.
I only started this blog to keep myself accountable, and never in a million years did I think that people that I didn’t even know would be following me - paying attention to me, and my struggles… my accomplishments. I thought I was so far gone that there wouldn’t BE any accomplishments! Once you’ve been in a bad place for so long, you start believing that’s where you’ll stay. Sometimes you need people who see the good in you to show you when you can’t see it in yourself.
I owe so much of what I’ve done to people who are there for me. It overwhelms me, and I feel so unworthy when someone looks to ME and says that I inspire them. It’s you guys who give me motivation. Every comment, every word of encouragement, every note or phone call, all make me want to try harder and keep going.
I’d be nowhere without the support you’ve given me. That’s how I got here.